Protecting the most intimate expression of a relationship
"Many people are reluctant to talk about sex because of their upbringing," says Yeva Rubinstein, MD, Virtua psychiatrist. "But sex plays an important role in the life of any couple. It represents the whole spectrum of how two people relate intimately — from hand holding right through intercourse. Sex is how a couple expresses their most intimate thoughts and wishes for one another."
The different stages of a relationship
Communication is the key
The different stages of a relationship
The sexual aspect of a long-term relationship evolves through different stages. During the courtship stage, there is often a great deal of passion — an excitement and urgency. As a couple is together longer, the passion often diminishes as familiarity and the stresses of everyday life enter the picture: Busy work schedules, children, family issues and illness all leave an imprint on the relationship. But passion that has cooled a bit does not mean that intimacy and love fade. In a good relationship, the opposite is true: As the relationship mellows and evolves, passion matures into enhanced comfort, stability and respect for one another.
Communication is the key
Couples who have a relationship built on a strong, healthy foundation of mutual respect and communication should be able to talk about problems as they arise. And to live is to have problems, so get ready to talk.
Perhaps a man is having a period of sexual difficulties, an extremely common occurrence — just look at skyrocketing Viagra sales. It's important that he talks with his partner about his performance without worrying that the other person thinks less of him.
By the same token, women, as they approach middle age, may lose a desire in sex because they no longer envision themselves as sexually attractive as they once were. It's important to air these issues with one's partner. Communication early and often is the real basis for intimacy, where both people work to understand the other's feelings and needs.
Dr. Rubinstein says: "By talking about any problem that may arise, the couple can eventually work it through, instead of remaining silent and compounding it." Every couple has ups and downs; it's part of being human. But the people who have the most successful relationships are the ones who work to keep the lines of communication vibrant and open.