Body image and self-esteem haunt many teens
Like many artists before her, pop star Pink expresses angst and feelings of low self-worth in her hit song, "Don't Let Me Get Me." In it, Pink cries out:
Don't let me get me
I'm my own worst enemy
It's bad when you annoy yourself
So irritating
Don't wanna be my friend no more
I wanna be somebody else
Perhaps the song's popularity is due in part to the fact that many teens can relate to these feelings. "Teens, in particular, live in a world that places tremendous importance on looks and popularity," states Virtua Health adolescent psychiatrist,
George Layne, MD. "Because of this, today's teens often struggle with self-esteem and body image problems, which makes it difficult to develop a positive and healthy self-image."
What is self-esteem?
The parents' role
How to boost self-esteem
What is self-esteem?
Self-esteem isn't an over-inflated opinion of yourself, but a healthy, positive feeling that you're worth something and are capable of positive accomplishments. Many teens, however, measure it in terms of appearance or body image. Most teens care deeply about how other people see them. They are aware that their peers will judge them by things like their clothes, the shape of their body, or the way they wear their hair. If they think they look different from others, it can affect body image and self-esteem.
"Teens are particularly conscious of their bodies. In part, because of the tremendous changes they are undergoing," states Dr. Layne.
"During growth spurts, adolescents grow more rapidly than they have since infancy. But it's not just the growth rate — their proportions change and their bodies mature sexually. All of this is happening at the same time that they are trying to figure out who they are — and who they want to become. No wonder it can be confusing for a teen. Developing a healthy self-image, including a positive body image, is so important during this time in their lives," he continues.
The parents' role
Building positive self-esteem is not something that begins during the teen years. It's a long-term process that begins even earlier, with just about every interaction between a child and parent.
Parents play an important role in guiding — and, at times, correcting — teens as they move along the path toward independence and adulthood. Some parents, often as a result of their own experience, interact with their teen through criticism. Although constructive criticism is inevitably going to be part of a healthy mix of interactions, a "diet" of excessive criticism, belittling and sarcasm reduces a teen's self-esteem — leading to feelings of worthlessness, inadequacy, and anger.
"Teens may seem indifferent, but most are highly sensitive about what others — particularly their parents and other teens — think of them," states Dr. Layne. "It's a time when parents can reinforce and encourage a healthy self-image - or do some damage."
How to boost self-esteem
Dr. Layne recommends the following tips for parents and teens to help boost body image and self-esteem:
- Reprogram the way you look at your body. You can defend yourself from negative comments — both those that come from others and those that come from you. Remember: when others criticize your body, it's often because they are insecure about the changes happening to themselves.
- When you hear negative comments coming from within, tell yourself to stop. Your inner critic can be retrained. Try to find three or more things every day that make you feel proud. While you're at it, every evening list three things in your day that really gave you pleasure — it can be anything from the way the sun felt on your face to the way someone laughed at your jokes.
- Recognize that your body is your own, no matter what shape, size, or color it comes in, and that ultimately what matters is how you feel about it. If you are worried about your weight or growth, you can check with your doctor to verify that things are OK.
- Remember that there are things about yourself you can't change — such as your height and shoe size. But if there are things that you can — and do — want to change, set realistic goals. For example, if you want to get in better shape, commit to exercising three to four times a week and eating nutritiously. Accomplishing these goals can help to improve your self-esteem.