How to talk with your child about cancer
If you've been diagnosed with cancer, it may be hard to talk about it with family and friends. Telling your children can be even more difficult.
Use language they can understand
Explain what they can expect
It's no one's fault
Try to include them
Resources for kids
Use language they can understand
"Kids always know when something is wrong in their family, so it is important for them to learn what is happening as soon as possible after the diagnosis," suggests Marietta Penska, MSW, a social worker with the Fox Chase Virtua Health Cancer Program. "Use language appropriate for kids to explain that you are ill or have cancer and that you will be treated."
It helps to talk about cancer in terms that relate to their experience. For example, if a parent has to have an incision in the body, it is easy to compare the incision to a cut. Be sure to limit descriptions to basic facts for younger children. Older children will be able to handle more information about the cancer and treatment procedures that will follow.
Explain what they can expect
To make them feel secure, children need to know how trips to the hospital and side effects of treatment may affect their daily routine. Parents should explain that they will still be in control of the household, regardless of what is happening medically. They should also reassure the kids that their lives will continue as normally as possible and that they will be taken care of, even if a parent is hospitalized.
It's no one's fault
Also, children need to be told that it is no one's fault the cancer has happened. "This is important because children often assume responsibility for what they do not understand," notes Seth Berk, MD, a medical oncologist with the Fox Chase Virtua Health Cancer Program. "If children are left in the dark and hear others talk about what is happening to their parent, they may imagine the worst and feel as though the cancer is somehow their fault."
Try to include them
Including your children in your care and recovery can be an important step in your relationship. Experts advise that it is good to have children visit you if you have to stay in the hospital for surgery or treatment. Doctors or nurses can also help explain more about cancer and the healing process the parent must go through. If a parent faces radiation therapy or chemotherapy, bring the children in for a preliminary look at what you will be going through.
Overall, understand that a parent's cancer is going to affect the children as well. Alert teachers and guidance counselors and explain that the children's behavior in classes and social activities may be affected.
Children deal with situations in their own way. As long as a parent is open and honest with them from the start, children should have an easier time accepting the changes cancer may bring to the family.
Resources for kids
- Virtua/duPont's online children's health section has information written specifically for children, teens and parents. Or, call 1-888-Virtua-3 for the fact sheet written just for kids, "What is Cancer?"
- The National Cancer Institute guide, "When Someone in Your Family Has Cancer" is for children.
- The American Cancer Society offers additional advice on talking with children about cancer.
- KidsCope is a non-profit organization that helps children better understand the effects of cancer and chemotherapy in a parent.