Understanding the signs of a midlife crisis
The stories are familiar. A man in his early 50s divorces his wife of many years and begins dating a younger woman. A 45-year-old woman quits her job and leaves her family to pursue an acting career. Are these people experiencing a midlife crisis? Or, are they simply creating the life they always wanted but couldn't attain at an earlier stage?
The term midlife crisis has been bandied about so much that it has lost its real meaning. At midlife - in our 40s and 50s - many of us go through a period of reassessment, redefinition and change as we strive to achieve new personal goals and realize that life is not forever. But this does not necessarily signal a crisis.
The hallmark of a real crisis
The roots of crisis go way back
Midlife is primetime for crisis
Getting help
The hallmark of a real crisis
Yeva Rubinstein, MD, Virtua psychiatrist elaborates: "It's important to distinguish between a true midlife crisis and the mistakes and changes we all make traveling through life. A true crisis is characterized by destructive behavior such as having an affair, getting into deep debt, becoming irresponsible to one's job or children, developing a pattern of gambling, substance abuse or other damaging behaviors. It's important to distinguish between simply making a change - even if it is a substantial one such as divorce - and a crisis."
The roots of crisis go way back
A true midlife crisis usually has deep roots, often starting in childhood or adolescence. As we age and mature, each of us evolves through different stages and hopefully masters new psychological landmarks. In infancy, we learn to trust other people, starting with our mothers and fathers. As toddlers, we acquire more control over our bodies. During adolescence, we begin to carve out an identity separate from our parents. We try on different costumes, hair colors and beliefs until we discover what makes us feel satisfied at a deeper level. We build confidence as we develop work skills and personal skills. We define a framework of values, continuing the process through young adulthood.
But, if during our maturation, we do not master the challenges of a particular life stage, such as building trust or self-esteem, this "lack" will affect our lives in a tangible form. It may be reflected in the individuals we choose as partners and the quality of those intimate relationships. It may influence how we progress in our careers and the place we make for ourselves in society.
Midlife is primetime for crisis
Midlife is a time of natural change: a parent may die, children leave home, and crow's feet and love handles replace youthfulness. Add to this the psychological pressure of years of deep-seated feelings of inadequacy, boredom, desperation and unhappiness, and it's not surprising that a crisis may ensue. And, for the person who has not fully matured, coping skills may be immature as well - taking the form of either self-destructive behavior or behavior that is destructive to others.
Getting help
Taking to good friends, family members or people in similar situations can sometimes help. There are a number of support or self-help groups available. But, there are times when a midlife crisis may require more than just friendly counsel. Professional help may be necessary to provide a framework in which an individual can explore new ways to approach life and affect positive personal change. For a confidential referral to a Virtua mental health professional, call 1-888-Virtua-3.