Your teenage grandchild
Images of grandparents and their adorable, toddling grandchildren are all over the place. But what happens when grandchildren leave childhood behind and enter the teen years? The sweet baby you rocked to sleep is growing up, and you may not be sure how to navigate your changing relationship.
It may come as a surprise to learn that your teenage grandchild needs you now more than ever. “Teens are notorious for moodiness and rebellion, and for challenging their parents at every turn,” says
George Layne, MD, adolescent psychiatrist at Virtua Health. “But a teen who resents ‘babying’ from mom or dad, will often turn to a trusted grandparent for understanding and comfort.”
Often, grandparents enjoy privileged status with their teenage grandchildren. “A grandparent is more able to act as a confidant than a parent who must enforce rules and restrictions,” says Dr. Layne. “It’s natural for teens to occasionally see their parents as the enemy. That’s why they need another trusted adult to turn to for advice and support.” Grandparents are a natural fit for this role.
But don’t let yourself to be tricked into taking sides. “Criticizing one parent or the other will only damage their relationship,” cautions Dr. Layne. “Even if you disagree with a particular rule, it’s better to discuss your feelings with your son or daughter privately.” Let your grandchild know that while your love is unconditional, you won’t support behavior that’s against parents’ rules.
Here are some tips for relating to your teen grandchild:
* Express interest in your grandchild’s friends, school activities and pastimes.
* Take time to recognize and compliment your grandchild’s abilities.
* Show your grandchildren that you take their interests seriously. If your granddaughter is a computer-whiz, ask for her input when purchasing a computer or choosing an Internet provider.
* If possible, make regular plans to spend time with your grandchild; a standing dinner invitation or movie date is something you’ll both enjoy.
* Talk about your interests and ideas; sharing family stories and personal experiences builds trust and can give your grandchild a sense of belonging.