how to talk with your partner about ED

How to Talk with Your Partner about ED

Psychologist Dr. Ruth Westheimer once said, “When it comes to sex, the most important six inches are the ones between the ears." But even the most erotic thoughts can’t always help a common medical condition in men – erectile dysfunction. A trip to the urologist can make all the difference, but the challenge is – how do you get your partner there?

Erectile dysfunction affects many men

Erectile dysfunction, sometimes referred to as erectile restoration, affects more than 50% of men in their 50s and 25% of men in their 40s. But urologists see less than 10% of the men who suffer from erectile dysfunction because, in general, men would prefer to go on as if it doesn’t exist.

Virtua urologist Adam Perzin, MD, notes: “Any man who has erectile dysfunction issues can get back to getting and maintaining an erection. It’s just a matter of finding the right treatment.

As the key healthcare decision-makers, women have the ability to bring this medical problem out of the darkness and get the men in their lives the help they need.”

Helping your partner get the help he needs

Dr. Perzin recommends the following steps to help your partner get treatment:

  • Talk to your partner in a loving, supportive way to communicate that there’s an issue with your sex life.

    For example, you can say, “Honey, you’re the greatest thing in my life. I love you, and because of that, I trust we can discuss this problem.”

  • Help your partner understand that it’s almost always organic and not psychological.

    For example, you can say, “This has nothing to do with us, our relationship, or how attracted I am to you – or how attracted you are to me. This is a medical issue that a urologist can treat.”

  • Finally, make an appointment to see a urologist as a couple.

    Tell your partner, “I’d like to go to the urologist with you, and see how he can help us. Our relationship is going to get even better from here.”

Choose a time for the discussion when you’re outside of the bedroom – and certainly not when you’re having sex. And remember to be kind to yourself, too. Just because your partner can’t get or maintain an erection doesn’t mean that you’re unattractive, or that he doesn’t want to have sex with you. You’ll be tempted to take it personally, but you also need to keep in mind that erectile dysfunction is a medical condition. The bottom line is that communication is the key to helping you and your partner get your sex life back up to where it should be. 

Updated June 6, 2016

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